Original Post: http://barbiebootcamp.blogspot.com/2011/07/bayada-bulge.html
The Bayada Bulge
The good thing about transforming yourself? The confidence you gain with each pound you lose. When you see yourself setting and achieving goals with fitness, health and weight loss you realize that you can achieve the things you set your mind to. You start believing in yourself with everything that you do, far beyond just with weight loss. Your success in the gym leads to success in all facets of your life. Confidence seems to grow like weeds once you have a little bit, and that is a truly magical feeling.
While losing 40 pounds, I gained an immense ammount of confidence that carried over into my career allowing me to push myself to the point of being promoted to Director of my very own office. This required a move back to my home town, packing up everything I own to put in storage until housing became available (Cape Cod in July...NOTHING available) and staying with friends on a military base with the only gym close enough to be able to go to the one on base which has no air conditioning, mirrors or much for equipment. This means I only see my boyfriend once a week which has put a HUGE strain on our relationship, but at the same time has caused us to take our relationship to the next level with him moving in when I finally do get to unpack all of my things into my very own home which is a VERY big step. To top it all off I inherited an office that was in utter disarray, chaos and pandemonium which had just been cleaned out of all office staff. As Director, I was basically running around as all of the positions in the office while trying to simultaneously train the new staff I was slowly able to add over the past month. The cherry to this wonderful sundae of a month was my on call manager going on vacation and leaving me to cover the phone over the weekend last weekend (and again this weekend...). The phones didn't stop, literally every 10-15 minutes I got a call. It was as if the office had never closed. I spent a lot of last weekend crying.
You can take the fat off the girl but you can't take the fat girl out of the girl, I suppose because every time I face struggles and stress in my life, I unfortunately fall back into my old patterns of soothing myself with food. The carb-crack always lures me back. This week has been completely disastrous for both food and fitness, with me off track with both since Tuesday. I get very disappointed in myself, feeling like I let myself down and took steps backwards. It's hard not to beat myself up for turning to food for anything other than fuel, eating for taste and not nutrition but at the end of the day I'm human. I make mistakes. The important thing in all of this is to learn about myself, what leads me to this behavior and being conscious of the traps I will of course face the rest of my life.
Food for some people really is a drug; and for me it really is. I have to be more aware of when I'm close to falling off the wagon and figure out ways to stop myself before I fall. I decided to start journaling each night as a way to learn more about why I make these choices, and to relieve some of the stress and anxiety I have revolving around the mountain of changes going on in my life. Every day is a new day, and at the end of each day if nothing else I can look at it as a lesson and even if it's a step back, if I can take some knowledge about myself and my behavior to help move myself forward in a healthier relationship with food then it's all for the better and all a step forward (even if it feels like a leap backwards).
While losing 40 pounds, I gained an immense ammount of confidence that carried over into my career allowing me to push myself to the point of being promoted to Director of my very own office. This required a move back to my home town, packing up everything I own to put in storage until housing became available (Cape Cod in July...NOTHING available) and staying with friends on a military base with the only gym close enough to be able to go to the one on base which has no air conditioning, mirrors or much for equipment. This means I only see my boyfriend once a week which has put a HUGE strain on our relationship, but at the same time has caused us to take our relationship to the next level with him moving in when I finally do get to unpack all of my things into my very own home which is a VERY big step. To top it all off I inherited an office that was in utter disarray, chaos and pandemonium which had just been cleaned out of all office staff. As Director, I was basically running around as all of the positions in the office while trying to simultaneously train the new staff I was slowly able to add over the past month. The cherry to this wonderful sundae of a month was my on call manager going on vacation and leaving me to cover the phone over the weekend last weekend (and again this weekend...). The phones didn't stop, literally every 10-15 minutes I got a call. It was as if the office had never closed. I spent a lot of last weekend crying.
You can take the fat off the girl but you can't take the fat girl out of the girl, I suppose because every time I face struggles and stress in my life, I unfortunately fall back into my old patterns of soothing myself with food. The carb-crack always lures me back. This week has been completely disastrous for both food and fitness, with me off track with both since Tuesday. I get very disappointed in myself, feeling like I let myself down and took steps backwards. It's hard not to beat myself up for turning to food for anything other than fuel, eating for taste and not nutrition but at the end of the day I'm human. I make mistakes. The important thing in all of this is to learn about myself, what leads me to this behavior and being conscious of the traps I will of course face the rest of my life.
Food for some people really is a drug; and for me it really is. I have to be more aware of when I'm close to falling off the wagon and figure out ways to stop myself before I fall. I decided to start journaling each night as a way to learn more about why I make these choices, and to relieve some of the stress and anxiety I have revolving around the mountain of changes going on in my life. Every day is a new day, and at the end of each day if nothing else I can look at it as a lesson and even if it's a step back, if I can take some knowledge about myself and my behavior to help move myself forward in a healthier relationship with food then it's all for the better and all a step forward (even if it feels like a leap backwards).
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